New....undiscovered....

I have entered into a time in my life where all that I thought or based values on had to change. I had to discover new ideas about what it means to be me. I didn't have a make over or change my style, or start following another religion. What I did do is discover something in me that was hidden, something deep inside me that was in need of a change. I discovered that I was strong, that I needed something more than I had settled on. I discovered that if I really needed to I could pick myself up...dust myself off...tell myself I was worth it...I was worth more! I am beautiful, I am smart, my opinion matters, and I gosh darn it could build a rock wall. Not any rock wall, but a wall that was strong with many layers. With each rock I laid, I placed a feeling, a value, a misconception, a hurt, a desire not fulfilled, all the garbage I wanted to unload from my soul. Instead of being unsightly, it was beautiful, even the rough edges, the dirt, the unevenness...this was a reflection of me. Even though I felt so bad inside, so unloved, so wrong, what had come out of me was wonderful. I never felt better...Even though I am going through a rough patch in life I know that what ever I put my hands to and work hard for it will work out. Maybe not what I expect....but what is supposed to be....

Thankful

There are many things in life that I am thankful for, and yet too often I find myself consumed by things I want or need to change about my life (maybe personality), that I have forgotten things that make me who I am and what I love. Here are some things I love about life, my life.
-Lets not ever forget Coffee, I swear its my life line sometimes. Not only does it wake me it also has the ability to calm me.
-My Children Emma and Parker (I feel somewhat guilty they weren't first). For all the wonder and hopes, and dreams they have for the future. They remind me to see the world from where they stand. I'm thankful they find excitement in small things, like I do, to find beauty in rocks, and the sound of waterfalls, and crickets.....
-My husband, for he is brave to have taken me on! For loving me for who I am in all my scatter brain glory. For encouraging me to write lists (even though I usually forget to bring them with me). For sleeping like a rock when all I do is toss and turn. For falling asleep with Emma on his chest, and showing me that a strong man is a tender man. For being able to play vidio games half the day with Parker, it showes me he is still a kid at heart, yet big enough to be a dad of many talents.
-I love the fact that I am learning to be more assertive, even though its hard.
I'm sure there are more to add, however, It was one of those toss and turn nights, and now I am sleepy enough to go back to bed....

Write right

I have realize dispite my neglect for spelling of the english language, I love to write. I love to read. I can't spell worth crap, and I'm trying to tell myself, wweecd (what would ee cummings do). He would write right. Mostly my brain runs at a different levels mostly 20 different ways all at once. Only some days do I get clear visions of what I would like to speak about. Today is not that day.

Spiders in my yard

All right, like most folks out there I tend to steer clear of spiders. I actually have been known to scream when I see one crawling around. They also have been known to send a shiver up my spine. Yet, I have tried to learn about them in order to lessen my fear. I have had one in my kitchen window since early spring, and I have really enjoyed watching her lay her egg's, and eat her pray. From what I gather, the male lives on the top of the window and the female (the one in the picture) lives on the bottom half. I was able to capture a photo of the new hatchlings as they burst out of the nest.
As I was showing my parents off this afternoon I spotted this large Yellow and Black Garden spider. I just loved how it made such a beautiful web. Often times it has been called a Writing spider, and I am sure you all can see why by just looking at the photo. So I hope you enjoy these pics, and they inspire you to take another look at these elusive creatures.

Spiders

An antioxidant bowl: Jean Carper

This stands to be one of my all time favorite soup/ meal!!!

I of course changed it up a bit, some days I skip the chicken and add white beans along with the black for a veggie meal (and veggie broth instead of chicken). I don't like the butternut squash in soup, so I add zucchini and yellow summer squash (looks like a yellow version of zucchini) . Colorful veggies and spices combine to deliver a hefty dose of health-protecting antioxidants, fiber and exotic Caribbean tastes. This proves to be yet another meal my kids eat, thank God.


Caribbean Chicken Stew

2 Tbs. canola oil *I use olive oil
1 large yellow onion,chopped *Shallots are also great to use here or even a red onion
1 large green pepper, chopped *I use red, yellow, or orange, just because I feel they are sweeter and tastier*
3 garlic cloves, crushed (Or more.....ummmmm)
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. each, allspice and nutmeg
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper, or to taste
Salt to taste
1 bay leaf
1 16-ounce can diced tomatoes, no salt added
2 cups 99% fat-free, low-sodium chicken broth *or veggie broth
1 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts/thighs, boiled or poached, pulled into strips 1 1/2 cups winter squash, cubed (or substitute thick zucchini slices) * I add two little yellow squash and one zucchini
1 15.5-ounce can black beans, undrained
4 limes, each cut into quarters
Optional: cooked brown rice (adding the rice really makes it a full meal)
*On top of this all, I love cilantro chopped up and placed on top of this with the lime* As with any thing customize!!

In a large pot, heat oil. Add onion, green pepper, garlic; sauté 3 minutes. Add spices; sauté 3 minutes. Add tomatoes, broth, chicken, squash and beans. Simmer, covered, 20 to 25 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove bay leaf. Serve over optional brown rice with juice from lime wedges.

Serves 8 Per serving: 221 calories, 18g carbohydrates, 23g protein, 6g fat (1g saturated), 60mg cholesterol, 6g fiber, 274mg sodium

Ok, so I have to say that at times when I go to visit my parents and my in-laws I really miss living on the banks of the St. Lawrence river. It has such a beautiful history. I have some special parts on the river I like to visit, and when I go home in July I look forward to meditating on the banks of the mighty river.